The Torah and Bible For Smart and Funny People Only
Since humans walked upright, talked, and thought conceptually, we have tried to explain, floods, famines. lightening, thunder, earthquakes, stars, planets, the moon and sun, birth and death, the good and bad among us,and beginnings and endings. Subscribing to the maxim that ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny — children assign human qualities to teddy bears, dolls, their kittens and puppies, Big Bird and Barbie, so too our ancestors ascribed gods and spirits to all things real and imagined, next, gods for all reasons, then special gods for special seasons, gods with human attributes and around 5.000 years ago, one different god for different people — one for Orthodox Jews and one for Jews wearing black hats and pigtails, one god for Catholics, another for Protestants, one for Methodists, and one for Southern Baptists, one for Sunnis and one for Shi’iias. Meanwhile circa 1473 AD, Copernicus exposed, and Galileo confirmed our ignorance and vanities of vanities – neither humans nor the planet of their residence was the center of the universe, which in turn raised unsettling questions as to the validity of Genesis and a god-created Universe. More recently we sent humans to visit the moon. Sadly, they found no tracks or traces of “the Man” AND we now had other humans called “weather men’ and “weather women” who not only explained sunshine and rain, but pretended to know what the weather would be tomorrow! Heresy! Off with their heads! Only God — creator of the Universe could be privy to such predictions! So it came to pass that other than a reason to kill and be killed and to provide employment to rabbis, priests, popes, preachers, and wannabe opera singers calling Muslims to prayer, or George “Dubya” Bush to be “called” to the White House,” the notion of a God was as obsolete as a race horse at the Indy 500, or vestigial as breasts on a Tranny.” Now, we can become suicidal, beat ourselves over the head with a crucifixion for our 5,000 years of killing and being killed over a god who never existed, or we can laugh at our folly and celebrate our final freedom from our constipated minds. For my part,having been told by family and friends that I am full of feces, I may see my role in this affair as being a laxative for the human brain.